Life, Death, and Realizations: A Journey of Faith and Reflection

 I lost my badey marmuji the 2 day before. May Allah (SWT) bless him with maghfirat… Ameen.

His death changed my thoughts a lot. When I lost my father, maybe I was not mature enough to realize the depth of it. But now, I am able to see life and death so clearly. I was not very attached to him, but I can still sense the pain of not having him in this world. Whenever we met, his kind words and the respect he commanded as my elder mammu always stayed with me. His royalty as the eldest among all my uncles was always evident. He used to send daily morning photos and Islamic videos to me and all our cousins. Now, all of a sudden, my mobile is silent in the mornings. I miss him.

I can see that death is the ultimate reality, and we all need to return to the Creator. We cannot avoid it. We all die, and people will remember us for a few days and then let us go from their memories too. But what we take back with us is what matters. We cannot take back anything, not even our own body; it will be disposed of in this world itself. I realized that only good deeds, kind words, charity, and namaz come along with us.

I am so scared to be alone, and I believe anyone would be. I do miss my namaz due to laziness, and I regret now how many I have missed. I realize I have hurt my family due to my own selfishness.

I have realized what is really important to me: namaz, charity, and giving good memories to people so that they can pray for me after my death. Maybe I am too old now to realize this, even though the Quran has been shouting this reality for me to understand and implement in life. Insha'Allah, I will work on my neglected parts. It’s a blessing that I have at least found this realization now.

I will spend my time wisely, in namaz, reading and understanding the Quran and other books, talking to people, meditating, and not continuously watching Instagram, YouTube, and Korean dramas. I will spend my emotions wisely by realizing, giving up, forgiving, and asking forgiveness from people I have hurt and from myself. I will be kind and help others to make their lives easier as much as I can, not by holding grudges, arguing, and being rude to others and myself.

I know that managing all these things at once is not easy, but I will never give up on what I am writing today. Insha'Allah, after many years, I will be glad to see myself following all these principles. I realize that all we have is life and a very limited time to make decisions. Whatever we decide and act upon, we are accountable for in front of the Creator.

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